What to say back — Meagan Angelucci

Setting a New Boundary

Establishing limits that didn't exist before

All twelve

OpenOpening 1Opening 2
“I'd like to talk with you about something. Do you have a few minutes?”
If they sayIn the script
“But we've always done it this way...”
You
“I understand, and this is what I need going forward. I'm confident we can make it work.”
If they sayIn the script
“This isn't going to work for me/us...”
You
“I hear that this is an adjustment. I'm open to problem-solving about the HOW, but the boundary itself is firm.”
If they sayIn the script
“Why are you doing this now?”
You
“It's what I need at this point. I wanted to be direct with you rather than just let things slide.”
CloseClose 1Close 2
“I appreciate you hearing me out. Let me know if you have questions as we adjust to this.”

Holding a Boundary Under Pressure

When they push back or don't accept your no

All twelve

If you feel physically unsafe or trapped, you can simply leave. Safety trumps politeness.

If they sayIn the script
“Then I'll have to take this to your manager.”
You
“That's your call. My answer is the same either way.”
If they sayIn the script
“Fine — just do part of it, then.”
You
“I understand you're trying to find a middle ground. My answer is still no.”
If they sayIn the script
“You've changed. You used to be a team player.”
You
“I hear that this is different from what you're used to. My answer hasn't changed.”
IfIn the script
...[they go quiet, or cold
You
“I can see you're not happy with this. I've given you my answer, and I'm going to leave it there.”
If they sayIn the script
“Let's revisit this next week.”
You
“We can talk again. My answer will be the same, so I'd rather not put it back on the table.”

Declining Additional Work

Saying no without damaging your reputation

All twelve

If they sayIn the script
“Everyone else is stretched too...”
You
“I understand. That's exactly why I need to protect my capacity — so I can deliver on what I've already committed to.”
If they sayIn the script
“It's really important / urgent / critical...”
You
“I can see it's important. And I'm still not able to take it on right now.”
If they sayIn the script
“Can you just do this one thing?”
You
“I hear you. The answer is still no.”

Giving Upward Feedback

Telling your manager something difficult

All twelve

This play works best with reasonable managers who value feedback. If your manager is hostile, retaliatory, or dismissive, consider whether this conversation serves your interests.

OpenOpening 1Opening 2
“I appreciate you making time for this. There's something I wanted to bring to your attention because I respect our working relationship and I think you'd want to know.”
If they sayIn the script
“I had no idea...”
positive response
You
“I appreciate you hearing me. I know this isn't easy to receive, and I value that you're open to it.”
If they sayIn the script
“That's not what happened...”
defensive
You
“I understand we might see it differently. I'm sharing my experience and the impact it had on me.”
If they sayIn the script
“You're being too sensitive...”
dismissive
You
“I've thought carefully about whether to bring this up. The impact was real, and I believed you'd want to know.”
Close
“Thank you for listening. I know feedback can be uncomfortable. I brought it up because this relationship matters to me.”

Addressing Problematic Behaviour

Calling out something that needs to stop

All twelve

If behaviour is severe (harassment, threats, discrimination), you may need to skip direct address and go straight to formal channels.

If they sayIn the script
“I was just joking...”
You
“I hear you. Regardless of intent, the impact wasn't funny to me. I need it not to happen again.”
If they sayIn the script
“You're overreacting...”
You
“That's your perspective. I'm telling you the impact it had and what I need going forward.”
If they sayIn the script
“No one else has a problem with it...”
You
“I can only speak for myself. I'm telling you it doesn't work for me.”
IfIn the script
They get defensive/aggressive
You
“I'm not going to continue this conversation while you're [raising your voice/being dismissive]. We can revisit this when we're both calm.”

Requesting an Accommodation

Asking for what you need to do your job

All twelve

OpenOpening 1Opening 2
“I'd like to discuss a workplace accommodation. I have a [condition/need] that requires some adjustments for me to perform my job effectively.”
If they sayIn the script
“We can't do that / That's not possible...”
You
“Can you help me understand what makes it not possible? I'd like to understand the constraints so we can explore alternatives.”
If they sayIn the script
“We don't have accommodations like that here...”
You
“I understand this may be new. Under [relevant legislation], there's an obligation to accommodate to the point of undue hardship. I'm asking that we explore options.”
If they sayIn the script
“What's your actual diagnosis?”
You
“I'm not required to disclose my specific diagnosis. I can provide documentation from my healthcare provider about my functional limitations and accommodation needs.”
Close
“I'd like to formalize this request. Can I follow up in writing so we have documentation of what we discussed?”

The Return-to-Work Meeting

Setting up success after leave

All twelve

Open
“Thank you for meeting with me. I'm looking forward to being back and want to make sure we're aligned on what my return will look like.”
If they sayIn the script
“What happened? Are you okay?”
nosy questions
You
“I appreciate the concern. I'm doing better now and prefer to focus on getting back to work.”
If they sayIn the script
“We really need you to hit the ground running...”
You
“I understand there's a lot to catch up on. For me to return sustainably, I need to ramp up gradually. Let's prioritize what's most important.”
If they sayIn the script
“Things have changed while you were gone...”
You
“I expected some changes. Can you help me understand what's most important for me to know as I get back up to speed?”
Close
“I'm committed to making this return work. Let's check in [weekly/bi-weekly] for the first month to address anything that comes up.”

The Resignation Conversation

Leaving professionally and on your terms

All twelve

Open
“I've asked to meet with you because I need to share some news. I've made the difficult decision to resign from my position.”
If they sayIn the script
“What would it take to keep you?”
counteroffer
You
“I appreciate that. I've thought carefully about this, and my decision is final. This is about career direction, not compensation.”
If they sayIn the script
“This is really sudden...”
surprised/upset
You
“I understand this is unexpected. I wanted to give you as much notice as possible and ensure a good transition.”
If they sayIn the script
“Where are you going?”
fishing
You
“I'd prefer to keep that private for now, but I'm excited about the opportunity.”
If they sayIn the script
“Can you stay longer?”
You
“My last day needs to be [date]. I'm committed to doing everything I can to transition smoothly before then.”
Close
“I'll send my formal resignation in writing today. Thank you for everything.”

The Exit Interview

Sharing (or not sharing) feedback on your way out

All twelve

Exit interviews are NOT confidential. What you say can get back to your manager and affect your references. Share strategically.

If they sayIn the script
“This is completely confidential. You can be honest with me.”
You
“I appreciate that. I'd still prefer to keep my comments general.”
If they sayIn the script
“Was it your manager?”
You
“I'd rather not make this about any one person. My decision was about my own career direction.”
If they sayIn the script
“Off the record — what really happened?”
You
“There's nothing I'd add off the record that I wouldn't say on it.”
If they sayIn the script
“Others have raised similar concerns. Can you confirm what you saw?”
You
“I can only speak to my own experience, and I don't have specific feedback to add.”
If they sayIn the script
“What would it have taken to keep you?”
You
“I've made my decision and I'm comfortable with it. I'd rather not reopen it.”
If they sayIn the script
“Where are you going? What are they offering you?”
You
“I'd rather keep the details of the new role to myself until I've started.”
Close
“Thank you for the opportunity to share. I wish the organization well.”

Escalating to HR

When you need formal intervention

All twelve

HR works for the organization, not for you. They may help you, but their primary obligation is protecting the company. Proceed strategically.

Open
“Thank you for meeting with me. I need to bring a workplace issue to your attention. I've documented what's been happening and I'm hoping HR can help.”
If they sayIn the script
“Have you tried talking to them directly?”
You
“Yes, I've tried [number] times. It hasn't worked, and I need HR's involvement now.”
If they sayIn the script
“This sounds like a misunderstanding...”
You
“I understand it might seem that way. The pattern I've documented suggests it's more than a misunderstanding. I'm asking HR to look into it.”
If they sayIn the script
“We'll look into it...”
vague
You
“Thank you. Can you tell me what the process will be and when I can expect an update? I'd also like a record that I've reported this.”
Close
“I appreciate you hearing me out. I'd like to follow up in writing to confirm what I've reported and what next steps were discussed. When should I expect to hear back?”

The Skip-Level Meeting

Going around your manager (carefully)

All twelve

Skip-level conversations are high-risk. Your manager may find out and retaliate. Use only when the potential benefit outweighs the risk.

Open
“Thank you for making time for me. I need to bring something to your attention that I haven't been able to resolve at my level. I've tried addressing it with [manager] and it hasn't worked.”
If they sayIn the script
“Have you talked to your manager about this?”
You
“Yes, I've tried [number] times. Here's what happened: [brief summary]. That's why I felt I needed to escalate.”
If they sayIn the script
“I'll need to talk to [your manager] about this...”
You
“I understand. I'd appreciate being included in that conversation, or at least being informed of the outcome. I'm concerned about retaliation.”
If they sayIn the script
“This is really a matter for HR...”
You
“I'm willing to involve HR as well. I wanted you to be aware because it affects the team's ability to function, not just me personally.”
Close
“I appreciate you hearing me out. I know this is difficult. Can I follow up with you in [timeframe] to understand what next steps might be?”

Negotiating Your Exit

When leaving is the best outcome for everyone

All twelve

This is high-stakes negotiation. Strongly consider consulting an employment lawyer BEFORE this conversation.

Open
“I'd like to discuss whether there's a way to reach a mutually agreeable separation. I think it could be in both our interests to explore options.”
If they sayIn the script
“We don't do severance packages...”
You
“I understand that may be the standard policy. Given the circumstances, I think there's reason to consider an exception. What would need to happen for us to explore options?”
If they sayIn the script
“What do you mean by 'documented your concerns'?”
You
“I've kept records of [brief description]. I'd prefer we focus on finding a resolution rather than relitigating what happened.”
If they sayIn the script
“We need to think about this / get back to you...”
You
“I understand. When can I expect to hear back? I'd like to resolve this within [reasonable timeframe].”
If they sayIn the script
“That's not something we can offer...”
You
“I'm disappointed to hear that. Can you help me understand what IS possible? I'm open to discussing alternatives.”
Close
“I appreciate you being willing to explore this. Can we agree on a timeline for reaching a decision? I'd like to have this resolved by [date].”